Sex is one of the most important aspects of human intimacy. And one of the most difficult to talk about. Whether single, in a new relationship, or deep into a long-term partnership, we’re all looking for a better sex life. This guide covers strategies for spicing things up, maximizing pleasure, and better understanding your own needs - no matter what stage of your love life you’re in.

Exploring your sexuality is usually reserved for singles. However, if you can get a little alone time, you can explore, too.

This doesn’t mean betraying a partner or going on a sex spree. In fact, it’s easier if no one else is involved. All this step asks is that you take the time to better understand what brings you pleasure. By exploring pleasure and honing in on what you do and don’t like, you’ll naturally build confidence in your desires.

1. Get to Know Your Body

It’s a classic because it works: masturbation. The simplest way to know how to pleasure yourself is to do it yourself. The best part is that there are no rules and no one to be embarrassed in front of. 

You can try setting moods, exploring different touches, pressures, and erogenous zones. You can even experiment with toys and lubricants. All of this is to discover a roadmap for your pleasure. The more certain you are, the more confident you’ll become. 

2. Build Confidence: Feel Sexy

Sometimes, this work feels less about sex and more about loving yourself—but can you complain about either end?

Ultimately, feeling good in your body translates to better experiences with partners. It’s a difficult place to get to, but consistently practicing self-love works. Similar to exploring pleasure, consider what makes you feel good about yourself. Is it that one dress? Put it on, twirl around. Is it the cut of your favorite button-up? Walk around the house in it.

The more self-assured you are, the easier it will be to communicate what you like. You’ll feel valid, deserving, and confident in your pleasure. If communication seems scary, practice saying what you want out loud. 

3. Study Up

Congratulations on beginning this step by yourself! Reading this article is a step toward better educating yourself on sex and pleasure. Continue to engage with sex-positive content, including podcasts, articles, shows, and books. You’ll gain ideas for deepening pleasure, normalize talking about sex, and gain new strategies. Keep learning, and watch your comfort level grow.

4. Explore Mindfully

For singles and the non-monogamous, casual sex is awesome—especially when you’re confident, comfortable, and safe. Knowing your pleasure lets you know your boundaries. Building confidence enables you to communicate your boundaries.

Have conversations about STI testing and protection. It’ll only help your experience. Then, explore experiences, from one-night stands or friends-with-benefits to traditional or kink-friendly dating apps.

The honeymoon phase of a relationship is perfect for keeping things hot while establishing a strong foundation. You can discover so much about your partner and start your sex life out strong by following a couple of steps.

1. Communicate Openly About Sex

Rip off the bandaid early; talk about sex. 

An easy way to start is by asking your partner what turns them on. If you haven’t been intimate yet, talk about what intimacy means to you. Or, if you have explored the bedroom together, check in about their experience and share yours.

If that feels too direct, try turning it into a game. You can find card games for sale online or search for games you can put together at home. The idea is to get the ball rolling.

2. Explore Tension

By far, the hottest time of a sexual encounter is the anticipation. An easy rut to fall into in relationships is knowing what’s coming during sex. A great way to shake things up is to build tension. 

Sexting, teasing, and slowing things down help build anticipation. They’re ways of getting each other excited. Describe what you’d like to do to your partner or slowly tease them throughout the day. Make each other lustful.

3. Switch It Up

Your relationship is new. This is the honeymoon phase. You are young, you are hot, you are no longer having boring sex. So, free yourself up by switching it up.

Have lazy, half-asleep sex in the morning before coffee. Have quickies while you’re rushing out of the door to meet friends. Laugh, fumble, loosen up.

Explore new locations, like the living room, shower, or hallway. Switching up where you have sex doesn’t have to be an adrenaline rush unless that’s what you’re looking for. If you do take it out of the house, take your own precautions and be safe. 

Both of these ideas encourage you to embrace your desire and sexuality. A tendency to suppress desire can lead to decreased satisfaction. Embracing your wants helps you to be fully present and confident, enabling you to have sex outside of conventional routines.

If you’ve been together for a while, your sex life can become predictable (Please see Step 2.3: Switch It Up; this will always apply; you deserve to enjoy sex). Here are a few ideas for keeping things fresh: 

1. Sex Dates

Sometimes, you need to carve out time for intimacy, whether it's to combat a busy schedule or encourage your pleasure. Set up “sex dates” to ensure sex stays a priority.

Discuss the dates with your partner and decide if they’ll be exclusive to the bedroom, including new toys or positions, or if they’ll include seduction. Plan as much or as little as makes you comfortable and excited.

2. Rediscover Your Pleasure

Similarly to exploring your sexuality by yourself, you can revisit the process at any time and with a partner. Here’s a list of questions to deepen intimacy:

1. What do you love most about our sex life?
2. Do you have any fantasies?
3. What makes you feel desired?
4. How would you like me to seduce you?
5. Is there anything we used to do during sex you’d like to bring back?

3. Try Something New

This is easily the most common advice for couples looking to spice things up. Role-playing, exploring fantasies, consensual non-consent, new positions, group sex, or erotic games are great steps to take.

4. Prioritize Foreplay & Non-Sexual Intimacy

Sex isn’t just penetration. It’s the build-up. After a while with one person, non-sexual intimacy might be scarce. So, start with little things, normalize physical touch outside the bedroom again. Sext, get flirtatious. Then, once you’re in bed, slow down and really explore each other.

5. Experiment with Your Orgasms

Edging is the practice of delaying orgasms for more intense pleasure. You can do this with a partner, toy, or acoustic (yourself with your hands). To demonstrate it to your partner or to show them what turns you on, try mutual masturbation. Do this while lying next to each other, watching porn together, or talking to each other. It can even be a type of foreplay. Sample different lubrications and toys, too. These are tools to enhance experiences and add to stimulation. 

The best advice for having better sex is to enjoy yourself. Explore the steps in this guide to get a better handle on your pleasure. Like you, it’s always evolving.