Reviews

Okay ladies, let's go over why I loveddd this personal massager from Oliver James.

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I want to love the Irohna Zen Matcha so much that it’s hard to come to a verdict. There is a lot to love. The top is super plush, soft silicone that molds to your body and conducts vibrations better than tightly wrapped silicone. Its ridges are a perfect added element of texture, spicing up your session. Plus, those ridges, the bulbous shape, and the color all reference a matcha wand–truly, it’s a toy after my own heart. It’s even my favorite color! The biggest thing it’s missing is one or two more notches of power. The Matcha has 3 intensity settings and one extra pattern, so it goes low, medium, high, then pattern. It toes the line, but it’s missing that knockout punch. It’s also a battery operated vibrator, which is not the end of the world, but rechargeable vibrators are really convenient. Ultimately, it’s a lovely toy. But it just doesn’t have the power you need.

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The moment I opened this toy I was in love! The design and packaging are adorable. This toy is a collaboration with the lovely actress Kiko Mizuhara. I've seen a lot of lipstick vibrators, but this is the first I've seen that was so realistic. It even has a cap you can remove, plus the bottom of the toy is a dial that can be rotated to control the toy.

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Seemingly out of wand puns somehow, so disappointing! ><' The Adam & Eve Intimate Curves Rechargeable Wand is an excellent personal massager, vibrator and clitoral stimulator. It has a 3 hour use time on low, a 1.3 hour use time on high, is submersible in water, is dual ended and has 10 settings, 3 vibrations and 7 patterns, which start out at a decent intensity. Excellent for a first time wand user, no need to be a witch or wizard to use it lol.

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This lip-locking sensual sucker is the best kisser in town! To semi quote Diageo from Silicon Valley... "This toy fuuucks!" *mind blown emoji lol* CalExotics French Kiss is hands down my favorite CalExotics toy thus far! My favorite part of the CalExotics' Jack Rabbit was the ticklishly tantalizing ears, and that's now been combined with the sucking sensation I've "come" to enjoy from toys like the Satisfyer Mission Control and Romp Lipstick... Merci for the toy I never knew I was missing out on lol. This beautiful toy has the poise of the INYA Rose but is bit better in several ways. It has 12 totally fuckable functions, two interchangeable heads, a travel lock setting, a memory chip and can be submersed in water... Can you say... "Ooo la la!" xD

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Great substitute to the Magic Wand!!! And only $29.99?! What a steal!! But, I can't for the life of me, find out how long it takes to fully charge or how long it lasts on a full charge. I am estimating about 2 hours each. Most toys charge in about 2 hours. I will do more research and update this review later. Otherwise, I love the soft feel of the material/silicone. It is medical grade and the toy is double ended!!! Dildo end, and head for clitoral stimulation. Awesome stuff! That's something the Magic Wand can't claim to do! Unfortunately, the website says this toy is "splash proof," but the box states it is "waterproof." Not sure what to believe, so maybe do not completely submerge in the water. Otherwise, the vibrations are like 7/10 on high. I enjoyed it, but I think it could be stronger. For the price dildo, you can't find a much better vibe wand! It's a steal.

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The Swan Rechargeable Bullet Pink – The Little Toy That Puts Bigger Toys to Shame We’ve tried so many vibrators. Some were good, some were okay, and some… well, let’s just say they ended up in the “never again” pile. But every once in a while, a toy comes along that changes the game and this is one of them. At first glance, the Swan Rechargeable Bullet looks like just another bullet vibe. Cute, compact, travel-friendly. Nothing you haven’t seen before, right? Wrong. The first time we turned it on, we knew it was different. The power. The depth. The ridiculous “how is this thing so strong?” vibrations. And the best part? It never disappoints. Some toys start out strong but weaken over time - this one hasn’t lost a bit of intensity. Some look luxurious but feel cheap - this one is sleek, solid, and gorgeous. Some have a hundred unnecessary settings - this one just gives you pure, uninterrupted, adjustable power. And the battery? It just refuses to die. Even on high settings, it lasts longer than most people can. 😏 We use it constantly. It’s the first thing we reach for solo or together. It’s never in the way, always reliable, and somehow still as exciting as the first time we tried it. If we lost it tomorrow, we’d reorder it instantly. If you’ve been searching for the one bullet vibrator that actually lives up to the hype - this could be it. And if you don’t believe us yet, keep reading - we’ve got all the juicy details. 😉

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Big Toy, Big Promises, Big Letdowns? When we first got our hands on the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman, we were curious. A powerful, extra-large wand massager that promises deep, rumbly vibrations, full-body relaxation, and earth-shattering orgasms? Sounds like a dream. Plus, it’s waterproof, has 50 vibration combinations, and comes with a 10-year warranty - what could go wrong? Well… quite a bit. At first glance, it looks sleek, luxurious, and ready to bring some serious intensity. But after multiple rounds of testing (and even a few replacements), we quickly realized that this wand comes with some serious drawbacks. Whether it's the awkward size, unreliable motor, or frustrating battery life, this toy had us feeling more annoyed than satisfied. But hey, let’s dive into the details. 😉

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The Handy – The Only Hand You’ll Ever Need? 🤔 Alright, let's be honest - Karl and I originally wanted to keep this short and sweet, but The Handy just gets us talking.... and talking... 😅 Seriously, this interactive stroker is like the Swiss Army Knife of pleasure. From its insane customization options and impressive power to the endless rabbit hole of interactive content online, it feels like we've only scratched the surface after a full year of use! If you're short on time, skip right ahead to whatever sparks your interest - we promise there’s plenty to explore. But if you're ready for the full story (and maybe a laugh or two), settle in, because there's a LOT to unpack here! 🍿😉

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A Futuristic Toy with Strong Vibes – But Is It Really Worth It? 🤔 When I first saw the Satisfyer Men Vibration+ Connect App, I thought, "Okay, another futuristic-looking toy that seems like it could double as a fancy wine opener.🍷😂" Honestly, I was skeptical - but hey, for 20 bucks on sale, I couldn’t resist giving it a shot. On paper, this thing sounds amazing: dual motors, endless vibe options through the app, waterproof for easy cleanup, and even remote play with sexy audiobooks. Pretty high-tech, right? But does it actually hold up? Well... yes and no. It’s definitely fun, but it’s got a few quirks you should know about. Let's dive deeper! 😉

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Ironically this Bullet is hit or miss, and it has nothing to do with aim. CalExotics' Bullet is pretty great when it works, but getting it to work seems almost as fickle as getting the Blush Lipstick to work. The device is remote controlled, each device requiring a AAA to work, and features 12 settings (mix of vibrations and patterns). Unlike Iroha, CalExotics was not kind enough to include any batteries, so make sure you have some on hand. The Bullet can be fully inserted in either desired entry point and can be easily retrieved with the cord attached to the one end. The device is almost silent to others once inserted which could make it interesting for public use. The remote allows for easy use on your own or with a partner as it can be used up to 32.75 ft (10m) away. No IPX rating given, but it does claim to be usable in and out of water. No use time is given for this device, and given the weird events during testing I'm not even sure how to guess at a proper length so 60 minutes was my overall guesstimate. Can be a great toy for first time users, and can be fun for public/private partner play.

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This Toy Might Be Too Good! 😉 Ever picked up a toy and immediately thought, "Damn, this feels expensive"? That’s the Njoy Pure Wand. This thing is sleek, shiny, and heavy - like, "don’t drop it unless you want a permanent reminder on your bathroom floor" heavy. 😂 But once you figure out how to handle it, oh boy, it’s a game-changer. Perfect for both G-spot and P-spot play, this toy is all about deep, targeted pleasure. It doesn’t vibrate, it doesn’t have fancy buttons - just pure, manual control. And honestly? That’s what makes it so great. The weight does half the work for you, and once you get the hang of it, it’s like unlocking a new level of pleasure. Is it beginner-friendly? Ehh, maybe not. It takes a bit of technique and patience. But if you’re up for the challenge, this could easily become your new favorite toy. We’ve had it for ages, and it still looks brand new - zero wear and tear. So, if you’re looking for a high-quality, no-nonsense pleasure tool that’ll last forever, this is the one.

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For 19 dollars, I thought this toy packed quite the punch! The Doc Johnson Velvet Touch Vibe probably has one of the most unique designs I've seen- instead of a remote or button, you simply twist the dial to your desired speed. This does make the toy require 2 hands to use, but I personally didn't have any issue with this. It's powered by 2 AA batteries (sold separately). At first, I was a little bit confused as to how it works; it doesn't seem to come with any kind of manual or instructions. But, once I got the batteries in correctly, I turned the dial and was surprised by how intense the "low" speed seemed! The volume of the toy was pretty consistent between all of the vibration speeds. It's not exactly as quiet as the Amazon listing says it is, but it's pretty quiet if you use it under a blanket. I'm usually someone that highly prefers manual stimulation over toys, but this vibe might have proved me wrong. It's made for both external and internal stimulation, which I thought was a nice detail! Many vibrators explicitly state that they aren't designed for insertion, so this was a pleasant surprise. It's bigger than the bullet vibrators I usually prefer, but it's actually pretty good for precise stimulation. The only downside to that is that since this toy is quite large, it's probably not very travel-friendly.

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The We-Vibe Chorus—and its pressure-sensitive remote (yes, you read that right! Just give it a squeeze to amp up the vibrations)—gets a gold star from me for delivering hands-free, blended orgasms during sex with my partner. Personally, I don’t orgasm easily from internal stimulation alone, let alone from intercourse, but the Chorus makes the whole experience way more enjoyable (wink if you know what I mean). After plenty of testing, we’ve found that this vibe shines best with a grinding motion rather than thrusting, making it a top-tier lovemaking toy in my book. Flying solo? No problem! Tuck it into snug underwear for a hands-free thrill, or pair it with a dildo for an added layer of sensation. Bonus tip: The remote-controlled feature makes it perfect for some sneaky play—whether you’re at home or feeling adventurous out and about. The charging/carry case that it comes with is also a splendid idea as it is discreet and keeps all dust off the toy and remote. Edit: we tried to use it late last night and it was confusing. Maybe keep it for a sober encounter.

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The Cancer Mini Vibe, and the whole Zodiac Collection from Our Erotic Journey, is an absolute vibe. You’re supposed to order the toy that aligns with your zodiac sign. Each is different, palm-sized, and based on the symbol of that zodiac. My verdict as a sex toy: it’s cute, and I felt adorable using it. Overall, it’s a really fun alternative to your standard bullet vibrator, but it is basically just a cute bullet vibrator. The toy has 10 vibration modes, is around 2.5” wide, and is shaped like a little cartoon crab. My verdict on the toy’s vibe: brilliant! The box is designed to look like a tarot card deck, and included with the toy is a crisply designed card describing your zodiac’s sexual style and compatibility. The packaging of this toy and its presentation made me enjoy it more. Because it has such a vibe, it stands out. The legs and eyes of the crab add dimension to the toy, making it much more interesting than similar vibrators.

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Not entirely sure how this one got its name or how to make a pun of it. I think I'm going have to write my first non pun filled review right now... *shudder* It's very weird to say since I'm still somewhat of a newcomer myself, but I think this would be a good first time personal massager for someone that doesn't want to commit to getting a dildo just yet but wants a nice somewhat inconspicuous toy. It definitely feels nice as a regular massager, and is quite intense as a clitoral stimulator and with 20 patterns, 8 intensities, a 90-120 min use time and a memory retention feature you can't really go wrong.

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